One of my favorite phrases is: “It hurts because it mattered.” While insignificant moments in life hold no lasting emotion, the significant moments leave emotional marks on our soul. For us, being parents always mattered – and our inability to do so has left a mark in our lives. Likewise, we suspect the moments of your pregnancy have mattered deeply to you. This experience will forever be a part of you. Some moments may leave marks of joy and others may leave marks of pain, but each creates your being. We can scarcely understand the impact these months have on you. The choices you are making matter – for you and your child. It may hurt because it matters.
We grew up a few miles apart, attending the same schools from kindergarten to college. However, it wasn’t until Brian returned from an LDS mission to South Korea in 2003 that our paths collided. Julie worked in the same office as Brian’s best friend (who will forever be blamed for our mischief), which led to becoming friends. By early 2005 we were dating and talking marriage. Julie took this as a good sign and promptly bought a wedding dress (her reasoning: “It was on sale!”). Brian took the hint and bought her an engagement ring to match (it wasn’t on sale). We married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in August 2005 and started our final years at BYU, receiving degrees in social work (Brian) and anthropology (Julie). Brian then obtained a master’s degree and worked in substance abuse. He is again a student, getting a PhD in social work and working for a research firm. Julie has worked in several university positions, but hopes to be an at-home mom after Brian graduates in 2014. We are the proud “parents” of a Shih Tzu named Kronk. He is officially the cutest dog ever. Kronk enjoys sniffing any babies that come over, so he will be pleased when a new “brother” or “sister” comes to stay. We also have a cat, but he’s weird.
Of all the things people have ever called us, boring has never been mentioned. Personally, we think we’re freaking awesome and totally hilarious. Laughter is common in our house and it comes at the most unsuspecting moments – while cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, or herding miniature ninja monkeys (maybe that last one only happens in Brian’s imagination). If the conversations in our house were recorded, we hope it would be a hit sitcom. We treasure our ability to uplift each other with humor – as this has helped us in tough times. We spend our free time together watching TV/movies, reading books, and attending concerts. We both enjoy cooking and trying new foods, particularly from different cultures. We love to travel, visiting Julie’s dad in California or extended family in Minnesota. Since moving to Georgia we have started exploring the southeast. We visit family in Utah yearly, and keep in contact via phone, email, and Facebook.
Brian is the youngest of 8 children (7 boys). He spent many summers vacationing in the back of an SUV – and plans on doing the same to his kids. His family is quite chaotic and noisy with over 20 nephews and nieces, but we enjoy our time together. Julie is the second of 4 children (3 girls). A favorite family activity is to get her mother laughing until she wheezes during dinner. Being the only married sibling, her family is eagerly awaiting nieces and nephews. Our families are very supportive of adoption; two of Brian’s nephews are transracially adopted and Julie’s cousin is a birthmother. Creating our family through adoption has always been a natural option for us.
Brian on Julie: Julie is the most compassionate and accepting person I know. She makes friends quickly and treats others better than she would expect to be treated. She is truly the most loyal person in my life. Saying she is the “better half” of our relationship is an immense understatement – never did I imagine I would marry such a wonderful woman. Her commitment to her spirituality is an example and she is definitely a copilot in our faith. She is easily the greatest gift to my life. Julie’s love extends beyond our family – to our friends, their children, neighbors, coworkers, and random children in the supermarket. I have no doubt she will be an amazing mother as she has plenty of practice being the favorite “aunt” to the children in our lives. I can picture her reading bedtime stories to our children every night and rocking them after a bad dream.
Julie on Brian: I know that there is no way I can express how wonderful my silly husband is. He has all the qualities that I could have hoped for and more to boot! He is kind, caring, loving and hilarious. He knows how to lift me up and to make me laugh. Growing up LDS, I had expectations of what my husband should be: strong, responsible, faithful, humble, and an honorable priesthood holder. Brian is all of these things and more. He has often said that he was attracted to my independence; although I could live independently, I would never want to. There are countless times that he has said exactly what I was thinking at that moment. We are two peas in a pod, two of a kind, kindred spirits, as one man, but mostly, he is my Prince Charming. I feel so very lucky that when I chose him, he chose me. He isn’t afraid to get on the ground to play with his nieces and nephews, and his natural ability to relate with children makes me excited to watch him become a father to our own. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side as we raise our children.
We always envisioned ourselves as parents and are happy to be prepared for this next chapter, although our path getting here was not as expected. Perhaps your path is also different than you had expected, but that is okay. The unexpected journeys are often the most important ones. Through this letter, our unexpected paths have briefly crossed – and we pray you have the strength and heart to continue in yours. Perhaps our paths will continue together, and if that happens we look forward to getting to know you better.
Brian & Julie
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